She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
