So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
