Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
