"it" just moved
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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