If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
