Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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