I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
