can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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