why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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