I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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How does one acquire holy water?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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