Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
