Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
