so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
