I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
