Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
