Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
