ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
