mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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