Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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