i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
