I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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