You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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