watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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