I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
