Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
