he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
