life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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