I understand Curling. That high.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
