That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
