All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
