How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
