You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
