there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
