My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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