im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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