he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
