If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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