I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
