Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
