you guys were way drunker than both of me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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