i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
