god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
