Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
