I don't usually arrange sex via text message
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
