Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
