my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
