Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
