There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
