I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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