So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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