It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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