She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
