hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
