omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
