This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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