I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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