you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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