He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
