I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
