I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
