Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
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Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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