with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
