Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
