Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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