Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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