If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
