this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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