I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize