how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
