I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
