Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize